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An Unusual Invitation

Thumpetty Thump Thump

  ne cloudy day Frosty the Snowman said to himself, “I believe it may be time to retire. Thirty-four years of cleaning street corners for the corporate world is no life for me! I'm outta here.”

Considering the extended weather forecast for his tri-state area, it seemed the prudent thing to do. His only other option was to simply melt away until he was a mere dribble of his former jaunty self.

For starters, he planted his broomstick in an open field. His wish was that it should take root and grow into a mighty oak tree, on whose limbs curious children might climb.

Removing his silk scarf, he carefully folded it into a cardboard box and gave it to his friend, The Little Prince, who promised to wear it only when the wind blew strongly.

He detached his carrot nose and placed it lovingly near the edge of the garden path. He knew that it would surely be found by the Velveteen Rabbit, who had only recently become Real.

The stovepipe hat was in very good condition, despite its age. Frosty Federal Express'd it to a business acquaintance whose sole wish was to be the tallest clown in Cirque de Soleil.

Inasmuch as the use of a corncob pipe was considered politically incorrect, Frosty entrusted his to an accomplished old woman who had yet to be distracted by age-defying makeovers. She rocked thoughtfully in a rare Ware chair with a make-do repair, and wondered if her friend had really given up smoking for good.

Gently reaching upward, he grasped the two lumps of coal that were his eyes, and flung them onto the rooftop of a nearby house. He intended that Santa might notice them. Santa was known to put lumps of coal to good use.

Having divested himself of all else, the unpredictable and brave Mr.Frosty drew a deep breath and lay down his arms (branches, really). He understood that, as a retired corporate snowgentleman, he would never again come under attack. Snowball fights had come to seem quite foolish in retrospect.

And the deep breath, what do you think became of that?

Well, Frosty saved that deep breath for the brightly burning candles on his Grand Retirement Celebration Cake. It was a three-layer, mile-high, coconut-frosted confection, personally created, lighted and served to him by the African Queen, in a rare appearance.

And yes indeed, he blew the candles out. All thirty-four of them! Everyone in attendance at his honorary party sang and clapped and cheered, including you, dear friend.

Traveling lightly into the future, Frosty, who had an interest in the old ways, went on to create the one and only, specializing in the restoration and preservation of the finest 18th century igloos. He occasionally earned extra cash as a snow cone consultant.

And he proved to be a constant source of delight for his longtime companion, Christopher Robin. Or something like that.

Larry Hartman's Corporate Retirement Celebration

6 PM, Saturday, December 9, 2000

RR 1 Box 120K, Mullica Hill

Regrets only

© Chris Maier 2003